SkuzzFeed News: All the news that gives you fits

SkuzzFeed News: All the news that gives you fits

Breaking News: Kimberly-Clark Secures Naming Rights to U.S. Congressperson

In an unprecedented move, Kimberly-Clark has bought the naming rights to a member of the U.S. House of Representatives. As a result, the newly-elected rep from NYC will now be known as Alexandria Ocasio-Kotex.

"This is historic," said K-C's Director of Marketing, Mike Litterus.

"Trump puts his name on everything. Why shouldn't other public servants ride the gravy train."

Rep. Ocasio-Kotex explained that, unlike Trump, she is not simply licensing her name but taking an active role in all aspects of marketing and advertising.

"We will focus on my image as an underdog who can knock off the big guys," said the Yorktown Heights native.

In fact, the company announced that they are launching an aggressive new campaign that targets their competition in much the same way that Avis challenged Hertz with their "We Try Harder" campaign.
Their new slogan for for 2019:

"We're not #1 yet, but we're up there."

In related news, Procter & Gamble has announced that Samantha Bee has agreed to promote a new line of feminine-hygiene products to be marketed under the brand name "Feckless."

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